Ambivalence

The clock shows 4:55 PM. I’ve packed my bags, finished off with my work, and am ready to leave. I can clearly see some jealous souls around me. Leaving at 5 had become a routine for me. While others couldn’t leave, I would happily say goodbye to my friends. It feels so damn good to leave at 5 and have the evening to yourself. But those jealous souls would ask, “How can you leave at 5 everyday?” I would just laugh at their faces and leave. ‘Cause they never dragged themselves out of bed and got their ass here at 8:30 in the morning. How I miss leaving at 5:00 PM sharp every single day!

It’s difficult to understand if you love or hate something. You don’t realize until you’ve lost it. I used to hate going to office daily where work wasn’t exciting enough for me. I looked forward to changing it, looked forward to moving on. The only things that I enjoyed was the company of few people and the work environment. Some relationships take months to flourish while others take just a few days. Few words would not suffice to explain the thousands of moments in the 6 months at my workplace.

I wish I could spend some more time with the people I love, I care about, I long to meet everyday. But I hate going there, working on something very monotonous, and just looking at the faces of those few smack-you-in-your-face people. It was so irritating to hear them speak, frustrating to watch them with their stupid behavior. They were so negative and were basically full of shit!

But then there was an Angel, two sweet friends, a retard with good sense of humor, and the company of a calm woman. These were my favorite people, whom I dearly miss. I might have spent the least time with them, but they had a huge impact on me. Roaming around the office, laughing, having fun, teasing, and all the random nuisance, was what all my colleagues saw me do. But isn’t work supposed to be fun. I miss meeting them. I never wanted to stay, but now I don’t want to leave.

Charlotte Packt 20150709_105313

How can you be sure of someone’s motive? Why do they trust you or why do you trust them? How can a few weeks or months create an impression of a person? How can you be sure that they are meant to be in your life for good. You never know what happens next. If someone cares or not. They might tell that they do. But for how long will it be true?

No matter what. I am gonna miss all the jokes, clicking pictures, self-improvement talks, some gossip, and all those memories.

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